Monday, 9 January 2017

Video reviews from another universe

If This Is Not Paradise (1981 - USA/West Germany, AKA Krakatoa II - The Children, Escape from Krakatoa, Krakatoa 2000, Blue Krakatoa, Krakatoa Lagoon)

1895 - a British ship, the Prince Albert is forced to flee Java when Krakatoa erupts. On board is a grizzled Captain, Bulfour (Richard Harris), Bulfour's daughter Lisbeth and the Reverend Hillary Sussexshire (Dan O'Herlihy), a missionary, his wife Margaret (Elizabeth Shepherd) and their son Francis, Lisbeth's betrothed. Forced into the wilds of the Indian Ocean, they come across Akatoa, a small island. There, Lisbeth meets a young tribal warrior, Puo and his lover Denna. We learn that Denna is the only survivor of the local tribe, who were wiped out by Javanese insurgents headed by Puo's father. Puo stayed on the island, realised Krakatoa would strike, wiping out his family. But Puo and Lisbeth fall in love, and eventually Lisbeth is left behind when her father and the Sussexshires are forced to leave. For six months, Lisbeth and Denna become friends and joke over Puo, but it becomes apparent that both want a serious romance. As the two girls tussle over Puo, Captain Bulfour returns to find his daughter and save her from the savages who threaten her virginity. Can love conquer all or will it all end in tears?

Leslie Halliwell review "Tepid Blue Lagoon-esque teen erotica. English girl stranded on Indonesian island post-Krakatoa meets native boy and girl, falls in love with native boy, English girl's father returns to pick up father, against romance, boy dies, native girl stands up, forgives English girl and falls in love with English girl's fiance."

Star-Destructor! (1979 - Canada)
A deadly Soviet laser satellite is discovered on the dark side of the moon, aimed directly at the United States. A NASA torpedo is sent to disable the satellite, but only knocks it, causing its target to change - to the Swiss Alps where a band of tourists on a ski tour find themselves trapped by the huge laser-wall and must find a way to escape. 
Leslie Halliwell review - "Tedious semi-disaster fare disguised as sub-Star Wars fare. Leslie Nielsen and his family are in Switzerland, when a Soviet satellite's laser traps them in a cable car, while they and a few stereotypes attempt to find a way out. The sun rises. The laser is burnt up and our heroes continue through the snow."

Those Deadly Sinners! (1979 - Switzerland/West Germany/Philippines/Hong Kong - AKA The Wild Geese Of Cambodia, Kampuchea Inferno, Apocalypse Forever!)

In the thrilling tradition of The Dirty Dozen, The Wild Geese and The Guns of Navarone, comes Those Deadly Sinners! An ocean liner, the Princess Margaret leaves Hong Kong when anti-Colonial terrorists allied to the Red Chinese attack and hold the ship hostage, and take British politician Sir Clive Chembley hostage, helicoptering him into the wilds of Cambodia. An ace squad of international mercenaries are sent by the British Secret Service to head into Cambodia, to win the Vietnam War and take Chembley back alive! 

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